Based on a True Story
by The WGPM
Summary: Everyone has a story. Short little incidents that you're itching to tell. And when these situations fit so well with the humor presented in PnF, how can you resist translating them into their world? Each character corresponds to a real person, and much (though not all) of the dialogue is 100% accurate. This collection of one-shots is my first story for the show, so please enjoy.
1. Chapter 1- What's a Date Nut?

"That's loud," Stacy said as she and Candace walked into the store.

"Yes, yes it is," her best friend agreed, "Now everyone in the Tri-State Area probably knows my car is locked. I'll have to ask my brothers to fix that."

"What do you think they're doing right now?" Stacy teased, "After that giant gingerbread house was destroyed by a ton of snow, they must have found something else to do."

"I still don't understand how that happened. Wasn't today supposed to be, like, 60 degrees?"

"Well, I figure after what happened on the summer solstice, you'd think they'd go all out again for the winter solstice," reasoned Stacy.

"Anyway, they're probably inside watching a movie or something. The shortest day of the year really took its toll on them. Besides, Mom and Dad are home, so there's no way they're doing something bustworthy now. And it's 11:30 at night. They should be sleeping," Candace ranted.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Stacy agreed, happy her friend's mind was off trying to get her brothers in trouble. "So, what does the recipe call for?"

"We need rum extract, flour, peanut butter, and… What are date nuts?"

Stacy and Ginger were sleeping over at Candace's house for the night, and the two were looking forward to baking date nut cookies for the Christmas party later that week.

Soon they found every ingredient they needed, all except for one: date nuts. There were shelves upon shelves of nuts in the store, but Candace and Stacy thought they were nuts not to find any date nuts.

At one shelf, Stacy kneeled down to examine a container full of what looked like large raisins. The label read: Pitted Dates (may contain pits). Stacy showed the label to her friend, both laughing at the irony. "It's like, 'We took the pits out, but they might still be in there'!" she giggled.

Eventually the two came upon date nut bread. It was a dark brown color, similar to the pitted dates. After thinking about it for a while, Candace said, "They probably don't sell date nuts to make your own date nut bread, because they want you to buy theirs! But, we're not making date nut bread, we're making date nut cookies." She took the recipe out and stopped dead in her tracks. "Stacy?" She said half-heartedly.

Stacy walked over to see the recipe. "It calls for a half a cup of chopped dates. Dates… Might not be nuts."

Stacy face-palmed herself. After looking around for at least a half an hour for the elusive "date nuts", she felt just about as sharp as a spoon.

So, the girls roamed the fruit section looking for dates. "I don't even know what dates look like," Candace complained. Realization struck her again. "Wait… If dates could be pitted, they have to be fruits. Nuts can't have pits! Stacy, do you have your phone on you?Mine's dead, so I left it at home. What's the point of carrying a dead phone around? Anyway, could you look up what a date is?"

Stacy smiled sheepishly. "I forgot my phone at home earlier today."

"That's okay, we can figure it out. Hey, look at this! It's called an apple pear."

Stacy giggled. "Is it an apple or a pear?"

They turned a corner, and pointed at a different kind of fruit. "And this is a grape tomato," Candace said.

Stacy was puzzled. She knew very well what grape tomatoes are (for a couple of seconds, she flashed back to the time she was at Jenny's birthday party and she had about 40 too many grape tomatoes), and this mystery fruit was definitely not a grape tomato. Candace picked up on this too. The whole table was filled with grape tomatoes that were on sale, all except for a carton of another fruit, but it wasn't labeled anywhere.

"It looks like a black avocado," Stacy commented. Candace took one of the fruits, and carefully put two and two together.

"Wait…" She started, "This might be a date. Look, Stacy! It's the same color as that date bread, and as the pitted dates. I have a feeling this is what we're looking for!"

Stacy was reluctant to believe this, but what else could be a date?

The girls took the fruit up to a cashier. "What is this?" Asked Candace, showing her the mystery fruit.

"That's an avocado," the cashier replied. I knew it, thought Stacy.

"Do you have any dates?" Asked Candace.

"Well, secretly I'm very lonely," said the woman, not realizing what Candace meant. When she didn't get a response, she figured it out. "Oh, dates," she corrected, "Go down that aisle with the Spider-Man balloon and they'll be on your left."

At the mention of Spider-Man, Candace whipped around, excited. "It's just a balloon, Candace," Stacy reminded her friend, taking the avocado. "I'm going to go put this back."

The girls searched the Spider-Man aisle, but they had no luck finding a date. Eventually, they just found the pitted dates that may contain pits and bought those.

As the two best friends climbed into the Neddlington Nymph, Candace turned to Stacy and said, "Wouldn't it be funny if I brought home that avocado and put it in the cookies?"

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**I do not own Phineas and Ferb nor Spider-Man.**


	2. Chapter 2- Tribute to a Blackbird

**This takes place before "Phineas and Ferb: Hawaiian Vacation"**

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It was certainly hot outside, but the Flynn-Fletchers all knew that the place they were headed for would be much hotter. All of them agreed on this, which was rare, seeing as Candace had a habit of having the opinion opposite that of her brothers. They all were looking forward to palm trees, clear water, and the serene relaxation that comes with a trip to Hawaii.

A cool breeze blew past their café table, refreshing each member of the family. Okay - almost everyone; in the case of Candace, the wind blew through her hair, sending chills down her spine and causing her to briefly shiver.

"Wow, Candace! That was a great imitation of Perry!" Phineas beamed, "But next time, try it with your eyes crossed."

"Ugh," Candace groaned. Jeremy, who was sitting next to her, put his arm around her shoulder. Her sourpuss immediately turned into a shy grin. "I just can't believe I won't be able to see you for a whole five days! Promise you'll call me?"

"Candace, you realize that if I call you in Hawaii, you might get a call at, like, 3 A.M. there."

"Oh, right," Candace said sadly. "The iguana and the oboe."

"Calm down, Candace," Lawrence said to his daughter, "I'm sure we'll have a splendid time in Hawaii. I've been practicing mi Espanol for the trip, so I can show you some things. It was meant to be, too."

"Dad-"

"Don't worry, Candace. You'll be back here before you know it." Candace smiled dreamily at her crush.

"You're right, Jeremy," she said. She looked down at her plate, where a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich (which Jeremy named the "Candace Special") lied. She was about to pick it up when a large bird flew over to the table, startling her.

The huge black crow squawked at the family, being more daring than most crows around the area.

"Cool!" Phineas said, without thinking. He jumped from his chair and ran towards the bird, who started running away.

"Darn," Jeremy muttered, "There birds are always giving my uncle problems around here."

The scene changes to show Jeremy's uncle, the owner of the restaurant, engaged in a sword fight with one of the birds.

"Anyway, it's probably best that someone drives them away."

Phineas wasn't giving up the chase. He ran and jumped and grabbed at the bird. "Help me corner him, Ferb!" He called, seconds before the crow flew away. "Aw, rats," said the redhead defeatedly, "Never mind."

"What were you going to do with the poor thing?" Linda asked, concerned of her son's safety.

"Keep it as a pet. I was thinking we could-"

Candace interrupted. "What would you even _name_ a crow?"

"Eugene, of course!" Phineas said, "He looked like a Eugene."

"Right. Just like Perry looked like a Bartholomew, until you got him home."

"Anyway, I was thinking we could take Eugene to Hawaii with us and send him back to you with, like, a secret message or something!"

"Oh, yeah? And what would that be?" Candace rolled her eyes and drank more of her punch.

For the first time, Ferb looked up from his sub. "Blackbird pie," he explained, "Love, Phineas."

Everyone at the table, including Candace, burst into laughter. Unfortunately for the teen, Ferb's one-liner had been delivered at the worst possible time: in between sips of punch. Her laughter had caused the juice to spray all over her soy cheese sandwich.

"Ferb!" Candace exclaimed between laughs, "Why'd you do that?"

The green-haired boy was too busy working on his sub to answer.


	3. Chapter 3- A Talkative Platypus

Candace was up early today. Which was strange, because she certainly was _not_ a morning person. Why, then, was she awake before even her brothers? The reason: the Japanese Ducky Momo Superhero crossover event was on today, and she was going to catch the earliest show.

The Flynn-Fletchers ran out of food for breakfast, so the children's father Lawrence went to the store to fetch some. (No one knows why he was up that early on a Saturday.)

So, Candace sat at the table, waiting patiently for the time to come when the special starts. She heard a sound coming from the hallway where her parents' bedroom was located, and saw her mother Linda entering the room.

The woman did not see Candace at the table, for she was distracted by Perry who chattered a greeting at her feet. "Good morning, Perry," she started, picking up the monotreme. After pausing a beat, she continued, "Where is everyone?"

Perry replied casually. "Well, Dad's at the store, and Phineas and Ferb are sleeping, so-"

Linda became startled, as she thought she heard Perry speaking in Candace's voice. She looked up and saw her daughter, then almost tripped backwards.

"Whoa, Candace! Didn't see you there," she said, "And I thought Perry started talking to me."

Candace smiled for a moment before saying, "By now, that wouldn't surprise me."

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**Is it just me, or are the chapters getting shorter? Also, I found this cool acronym - BOATS. It's the name of the story! Purely coincidence.**


	4. Chapter 4 - April Fool's Day!

**Happy New Year's, everyone! Welcome to 2015! Wait, it's not New Year's? Of course, it's April Fool's Day. Bet I made you check the calendar though.**

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Candace wasn't sure exactly why she did it. Maybe it was because she wanted a way to "get back" at her brothers, all in good fun of course. Maybe she was just getting into spirit, to show everyone she wasn't as boring and serious as everyone might have thought she was. Whatever the reason, one thing was for sure: Candace was an April Fooler.

On her own, though, she wasn't very good at it. When it came to thinking up elaborate schemes to playfully inconvenience someone else's life for a day, her mind went blank. Thankfully for her, she was Candace Flynn - sister of the imaginative Phineas Flynn. So when her brother told her one of his many plans for April Fool's Day, then failed to execute it, she happily took the liberty of preparing it herself. So, the last thing she did before leaving for school wasn't reviewing for the big test she had that day; no, it was a bit more sinister than that.

At school, nothing really happened that screamed "April Fool's," but when she got home was a different story. Linda had recently gotten a new job, so she had to work late and couldn't supply her children with dinner that night. That was okay, though, because Candace gladly took the responsibility of making noodle soup for herself and her brothers.

She had done this before. She was used to getting the pot from the cabinet, getting packages of noodles from another shelf, putting water in the pot...

Today, however, was different. Today was April Fool's Day. Remember that little prank that Candace had set up earlier? Well, she sure didn't. So she - foolishly - put the pot under the faucet of the sink and turned the knob.

The next things happened very quickly. Candace's first question was: Why isn't there water coming from the faucet? Her second question: Why am I all wet?

The idea behind the prank was to put a rubber band around the trigger of the spray hose connected to the sink. That way, the unfortunate victim of the prank would be sprayed with water, seeing as they did not likely take the hose out beforehand. So, the first reaction Candace has was to get out of the way of the water, and quickly. Once she accomplished this, she realized the water wasn't going to _stop_ unless she turned the knob in the other direction, cutting the water.

By the time she stooped screaming long enough to reach across the stream of water to turn it off, plenty of things got wet. For example: most of the kitchen floor, which she volunteered to clean up. For example: the counter across from the sink where not _too_ many important pieces of paper were. For example: someone's electric screwdriver. She wasn't sure exactly who it belonged to. For example: Candace's shirt, and parts of her hair.

Linda wasn't home that day, but Lawrence was, and Candace's screaming had attracted his attention. Despite Candace's truthful explanation of the scene, his interpretation of the event led him to believe that Candace's mum was actually the culprit.

Though they may not look it, the Fletcher's were a pretty vengeful family. This is shown even in Ferb from time to time, though not often. So when Lawrence suggested that they prop a small cup of water on top of the door for when Linda arrived, Candace didn't object.

Phineas and his brother, who were upstairs, were also wondering who and what was behind the screaming. Once they saw Candace's shirt, they knew exactly what happened. The inevitable conversation that followed revealed to Lawrence that Candace was indeed the person behind the prank, while the teen repeatedly insisted that it _was _after all Phineas's idea, the boy insisting that he had nothing to do with it.

After learning who was really behind the prank, Lawrence decided it was best to take down the cup, but to remain in the spirit of things he simply put less water in it. "Just enough to make an impact," he reasoned.

While in the long run the cup of water missed Linda, it did give Candace an idea. She took the cup that was already in her upstairs bedroom, filled it with a bit of water, and propped it above her own bedroom door. This time, she made extra sure to not be the victim other own prank again, which she was able to keep up all day.

When she woke up and exited her room on April second, she got a little wet. Not too much, but just enough to make an impact.

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**Okay, this was put together a little last-minute. Now, I'd love to stay but I'm going to go watch the ball drop**.


	5. Chapter 5- Attack

**Okay, I'm _not _kidding when I say this actually happened. To me. I do not own PnF. **

**This chapter is rated K+ because... Well, I suppose you'll see.**

* * *

Isabella was happy. Which, of course, wasn't a surprise, taking into account her optimism. But now she was extra excited because she was in the school band, one of her favorite classes, with Phineas and Ferb, two of her favorite people.

She was also happy because it was the last day of school. More specifically, it was the last day of school before Halloween. Even more specifically, it was the last day of _band_ (her school used block scheduling) before Halloween. Still, she was happy.

Every day, just after second period, about ten minutes were set aside strictly for student reading. The strange three-note bell, which sounded a little bit like the sound a duck makes when it gets startled, sounded and many students turned to put their instruments away. Before Isabella could click open the case, she heard the conductor saying something strange. She was looking towards the door.

"We're supposed to be reading, not getting attacked!"

Isabella's back was turned to the doorway, so she didn't see what the teacher was talking about. It wasn't until she heard the sound of one note being played repeatedly - by a string instrument - that she turned around and saw the entire Danville Middle School 6th grade orchestra filing through the band room doors. Everything from violins to cellos joined the war cry as the orchestra conductor, foam sword in hand, charged after the band leader. He chased her around the room, pretending to slice off the limbs of a trombone player here, a clarinet over there, along the way. Voices of the unexpecting band members filled the room in a combination of laughter and mock terror.

"What'a going on!?"

"Ow, you got me!"

"Django, you're on the dark side!?"

"My watermelon!"

And Isabella's: "Whatcha _doin_'?"

Isabella considered just taking her flute and playing the highest possible note she knew at the time: a high F. And a _very_ high F, thanks to a certain pair of kids who made her flute capable of going an octave higher than most (like a piccolo). She decided against it, though, not knowing what help that would do or even if she really wanted it to help. Plus, she did not want to accidentally kill any dogs.

The "attack" proved to be over as quickly as it began. "Retreat, retreat!" Called the orchestra conductor, and he and his army left. Some of the girls rushed to the aid of the band conductor, but most stayed in their seats, looked around, and started to read.

To this day, the stuffed monkey that the band members took prisoner is being held captive in a band locker.


End file.
